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Thon! (or Attack of the Clones!)

The Phantom Limbs

by Scotto
MAXWELL: And now, folks, here’s a real treat. Fresh from headlining the national convention of the American Gangrene Association, here they are, America’s favorite amputee juggling act… the Phantom Limbs!

(The PHANTOM LIMBS enter: one person missing a leg, the other person missing an arm, both of them wearing cheesy Doug Henning style outfits. They attempt a simple three ball juggling act between the two of them, and routinely drop balls, and fall over attempting to pick balls up, all to the tune of Billy Joel’s “Root Beer Rag.” Toward the end, the armless person is actively knocking the legless person over as punishment for dropping a ball yet again. Finally the lights dim on the two of them wrestling on the ground in anger.)

MAXWELL: Finding true joy in adversity, that was Stumpy and Gimpy, the Phantom Limbs!


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