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Thon! (or Attack of the Clones!)

Honey Honey & Her Delicious Cold Cuts

by José Amador (boys choir tagline by Scotto)
MAXWELL: We are very fortunate that our next act is here with us, as the detox center almost didn’t let her out in time. Still recovering from her sleeping pill and Jack Daniels binge from last night, here she is, Honey Honey and her delicious Cold Cuts.

(Enter HONEY HONEY, on crutches. She’s a bit spacey… Liza Minelli with a touch of Carol Channing.)

MAXWELL: Oh, dear me, whatever did you do to your leg?

HONEY: Well, Max, I’ve always had a problem with that leg.

MAXWELL: Really?

HONEY: Oh, yes, it’s always bee—

MAXWELL: What was wrong with it?

HONEY: Well, like I was saying—

MAXWELL: Well, that’s too bad, Honey.

HONEY: That’s all right, Max.

MAXWELL: Please, call me Maxwell.

HONEY: Okay Max.

MAXWELL: So what are you going to sing for us this evening?

HONEY: Well, it’s an old favorite of—

MAXWELL: That’s great, I really loved Nat King Cole’s vers—

HONEY: Corn? I don't remember eating corn.

MAXWELL: (laughs) You are so right. But wait, where are your Cold Cuts… (Two men enter with bologna on a platter.) Oh, here they are. Ready Honey?

HONEY: Ready, Max. (She heads to the performance area.)

MAXWELL: Ladies and gentlemen… singing the theme song to “Joanie Loves Chachi,” Honey Honey and her delicious Cold Cuts!

(HONEY sings Joanie Loves Chachi while bologna is tossed at her. Applause as they exit)

MAXWELL: Goodness gracious, I don't think I've been so touched by an act since the Boys Choir of New Jersey was on... oh wait, that was me actually touching an act. Never mind.

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