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Thon! (or Attack of the Clones!)

Commercial Break

by José Amador and Scotto
(MAXWELL sits at his station, staring ahead, he only answers perfunctorily. BOBBIE MENINGITIS enters.)

BOBBIE: Max. Max, you mensch, how you doing? You holding up? Max.

MAXWELL: (using BEATRICEís arm and hand) Hey, Bobbie, shake!

(BOBBIE and MAXWELL laugh at this morbid little joke.)

MAXWELL: Bobbie, do you have anything for me?

BOBBIE: Didnít Skip tell you, hookers are on the way.

MAXWELL: I havenít seen any hookers.

BOBBIE: Okay, Iíll send some moreÖ Do you think you can make it to the end of the hour, kid? Max? Max?

MAXWELL: Bobbie, did I ever tell you about the time that little girl was trapped at the bottom of the well, and I ran through the woods as fast as I could, and I found Timmy, and I barked, and barked, and barkedÖ (sobs) We saved that little girlís life, Bobbie. We saved her.

BOBBIE: Max, that was Lassie.

MAXWELL: (snaps) Donít be ridiculous! Lassie never fell down a fucking well! Get lost, Bobbie. (offers the arm to BOBBIE) And take this to Beatrice, I think she might need a hand.

(After a beat, they both laugh hysterically. BOBBIE exits.)

BIFF: Welcome back! Itís time to ask the question: Who loves ya baby? Well, of course, itís Maxwell Beep, even if you donít want to be loved. Oh, but you do. You do want to be loved. Your eyes may say no, your mouth may say no, but Maxwell doesnít care, still he comes at you, in you, and on you! And now, hereís the man thatís hung like a malcontent pervert in medieval times: Maxwell Beep!

(Applause.)



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