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Thon! (or Attack of the Clones!)

Commercial Break

by Scotto
MAXWELL: Skip, where the hell—

(SKIP is already entering with BONITA.)

SKIP: Sorry this took so long, Max.

MAXWELL: Is this the only—

SKIP: The others all died during delousing, Max, but I think you’re really going to like Bonita here.

MAXWELL: Bonita, eh?

BONITA: Let’s get down to business.

MAXWELL: Did Skip fill you in on what I’m looking for?

SKIP: I filled her in, Max. It’s not going to be cheap.

MAXWELL: What do you mean, it’s not going to be cheap?

BONITA: You know how hard it is to find that much sandpaper at this time of night?

MAXWELL: All right, well let’s forget about the sandpaper—

BONITA: Thirty gallons of bile and medical waste is a little easier, but it’s still gonna cost you a premium to have me pour it on you.

MAXWELL: Aw, now come on—

SKIP: It’s really an art the way she does it, Max.


BONITA: Then there’s the little matter of the kittens to discuss.

MAXWELL: Oh, now come on! You can find kittens anywhere!

BONITA: Kittens with more than one anus? That costs extra, Mister!

MAXWELL: I swear, what is this world coming to?

SKIP: Twenty seconds, Max.

BONITA: And finally, you may think that just anyone will open up her appendectomy scars to pleasure a man, but I’ll tell you what, Mister, you are gonna pay to put anything in there, I don’t care what it is.

MAXWELL: All right, all right, I get the point. Skip, sell another Filipino slave girl and get Bonita paid up.

SKIP: Gotcha, Max. And five… four… three…

(SKIP mouths “Two… one…” then leads BONITA off as BIFF chimes in.)

BIFF: Welcome back once again for the finale of this year’s annual Maxwell Beep Intellectual Dystrophy Association Telethon!

(A canned round of applause rings out.)

BIFF: And now ladies and gentlemen… the man who single handedly inspired the most widespread revision of statutory rape laws in the history of the United States… Maxwell Beep!

(Spot up on MAXWELL, big round of applause for him.)

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