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The Short Play Brigade

Bed Time

(As though this were almost Ward and June Cleaver.)

(MAN is brushing teeth at mirror CS; WOMAN is reading magazine in a chair in the living room.)
MAN: Hey honey!
WOMAN: Yes dear?
MAN: Where'd you put the dental floss?
WOMAN: I thought it was in the cabinet.
MAN: In the cabinet?  But I don't see it anywhere!
WOMAN: Did you look next to the toothpaste?
MAN: Yeah!  It's not there!
WOMAN: What about behind the ibuprofen?
MAN: I looked, honey, it's not there!
WOMAN: Well, is it next to the jar of urine we've been saving?
MAN: No, honey, it's not next to the jar of urine, it's not there at all!
WOMAN: How about next to the rat semen?  Is it next to the rat semen, dear?
MAN: No, honey, don't you think I'd LOOK next to the rat semen?
WOMAN: Well, is it anywhere near the container of bile stolen from those corpses at the automobile accident last month?
MAN: Now why on earth would it be there?
WOMAN: Well, I don't know, dear, sometimes you get out the container of bile and I don't know what you do with it.
MAN: Well, I don't put it next to the dental floss, dear, there's a whole separate spot for the bile!
WOMAN: Wait, I know, honey.  Did you check up your ass?
(Small pause.)
MAN: You know what?  I totally forgot to check up my ass.
WOMAN: I think it might be up your ass, dear.
MAN: Wow.  And I thought that strange pain was the ferocious jungle slug you put my ass a few hours ago.
WOMAN: Those slugs are highly attracted to the mint flavor on your dental floss.
MAN: Oh!  It all becomes clear to me now.  Well I'd like to get that dental floss out, honey, but I'm about to pass out from the pain.  I think that slug has burrowed all the way into my colon!
WOMAN: Don't worry, dear, they have dental floss in the emergency room.
(They laugh together lightly.)



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