(As though this were almost Ward and June Cleaver.)
(MAN is brushing teeth at mirror CS; WOMAN is reading magazine in a
chair in the living room.)
MAN: Hey honey!
WOMAN: Yes dear?
MAN: Where'd you put the dental floss?
WOMAN: I thought it was in the cabinet.
MAN: In the cabinet? But I don't see it anywhere!
WOMAN: Did you look next to the toothpaste?
MAN: Yeah! It's not there!
WOMAN: What about behind the ibuprofen?
MAN: I looked, honey, it's not there!
WOMAN: Well, is it next to the jar of urine we've been saving?
MAN: No, honey, it's not next to the jar of urine, it's not there at
WOMAN: How about next to the rat semen? Is it next to the rat
MAN: No, honey, don't you think I'd LOOK next to the rat semen?
WOMAN: Well, is it anywhere near the container of bile stolen from
those corpses at the automobile accident last month?
MAN: Now why on earth would it be there?
WOMAN: Well, I don't know, dear, sometimes you get out the container
of bile and I don't know what you do with it.
MAN: Well, I don't put it next to the dental floss, dear, there's a
whole separate spot for the bile!
WOMAN: Wait, I know, honey. Did you check up your ass?
MAN: You know what? I totally forgot to check up my ass.
WOMAN: I think it might be up your ass, dear.
MAN: Wow. And I thought that strange pain was the ferocious jungle
slug you put my ass a few hours ago.
WOMAN: Those slugs are highly attracted to the mint flavor on your
MAN: Oh! It all becomes clear to me now. Well – I'd like
to get that dental floss out, honey, but I'm about to pass out from the
pain. I think that slug has burrowed all the way into my colon!
WOMAN: Don't worry, dear, they have dental floss in the emergency room.
(They laugh together lightly.)