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The Short Play Brigade


(1, 2, and 3.)
1: (typical, total Type A personality) So then I had to close the deal, right?  So then I had to close the deal!  So I put the screws to him, and I said, one hundred fucking thousand dollars or he could kiss my sorry ass.  Well he looked it me and he said--
(1 experiences a sudden heart attack and dies.)
2: Holy shit.  Charlie, Charlie, are you all right?
3: He's dead, George.
2: Oh no!
3: It's true.  But what do you expect?  He lived a high stress life in the corporate world, chain smoked cigarettes, and ate too many pasta dinners after four in the afternoon.  Now take me for an example.  I meditate every morning for an hour, take a long hot bath, do some readings from the Gospel, and eat a healthy balanced breakfast before heading to the gym for an all over body workout.  And I have to -- holy shit!  My lungs!  My lungs are on fire!  My lungs!  Owwwwww!  My lungs!  What's happening to me?  Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!
(3 dies of sudden lung disease.  All other actors file on stage.)
2: (facing the audience) Oh yeah, I suppose it's obvious what the moral of the story is.  It doesn't matter who you are.  Death comes to us all.  The only question is, are you ready for it  It's how you live your life, don't you understand?
(4 dies a painful death.)
2: I'm serious here!  Pay attention to every moment!  It could be your last!
(5 dies.)
2: Do the things that will make you happy!  You won't live forever!
(6 dies.)
2: You've got to be mindful!  Aware!  Present!  Conscious!  Love your god damn neighbors!
(7 dies.)
2:  And if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with!
(8 dies.)
2: It's so important, friends, I just need to--(begins experiencing chest pain)  No -- no, it can't be happening to me!  It won't happen to me, goddammit!  (more pain)  Oh, you fucking cunt!  God -- God, I fucking hate you!  (more pain)  When I see you, God, I'm going to kick your fucking ass!
(2 dies an absolutely horrible death.)

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