ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen! People of Burning Man!
The phone company is your enemy! Destroy your telephones now while
you still can!
GIRL (stage R, on the phone): No way, man, the phone company?
BOY (stage L, on the phone): That's what I heard, man, that's what
I heard! The phone company is like evil, man!
ANNOUNCER: For years and years, the phone company has been WORKING
AGAINST YOU! Listening to your phone calls! Compiling an elaborate
database of information about YOUR PERSONAL HABITS! Keeping track
of your GOALS IN LIFE, and then PLOTTING FOR THE DAY when the vast phone
company conspiracy can SHOW ITS TRUE FACE, THWART YOU AT EVERY TURN, and
TAKE OVER THE UNITED STATES!
GIRL (terrified): No way, man, no way!
BOY (equally terrified): Way, man, way!
ANNOUNCER: You have no defense against the great evil that is the phone
company! You cannot escape its grasp!
GIRL: What if we used like smoke signals?
BOY: It'll never work, man!
GIRL: No, come on, man!
BOY: No way, man, we're fucked, man, we're fucked!
ANNOUNCER: Even now, the phone company has its top secret satellite
network trained on every square inch of this great land of ours, soaking
up every conversation, gathering every stray thought you dare utter into
the atmosphere. They're listening to you. The phone company
is listening! With one ear on your telephone conversations, and the
other ear listening for FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS from their INFERNAL MASTERS
down in HELL ITSELF, the minions of the phone company have you RIGHT WHERE
THEY WANT YOU!
GIRL & BOY (in unison): Oh no!
ANNOUNCER: Don't give in to the great, pernicious evil that is the
phone company! Resist while you still can! Resist! Resist!
OFF-STAGE VOICE: This message brought to you by the United States Postal