so then i got the idea that we should start a steve miller cover band, because, you know, who doesn't love steve. (aside from assholes, i mean.) but we couldn't just be carbon copies of steve, because what steve always stood for, you know, was originality. well, that, and getting laid i bet. so we decided that the way to do our steve miller covers would be that each of us would perform as a different celebrity, so larry would be jimi hendrix performing the works of steve miller, and rhonda would be barbara streisand performing the works of steve miller, and gypsy nick would be steven hawking, and carl would be pol pot, and i of course would be latin superstar enrique iglesias, which required me to invest in new, more flexible hips for my dance moves, but you know, i think steve would have approved, if the court order didn't prevent us from asking him. but then, you know, there's the whole issue of, any cover band can do all that, so what we really needed to do, to differentiate ourselves in a crowded market place, was to do our steve miller covers as a different celebrity with a different animal madness. so for instance, larry would be jimi hendrix with mad cow disease, and rhonda would be barbara stresiand with mad pig disease, and gypsy nick would be steven hawking with mad gutter rat disease, and carl would be pol pot with mad flamingo disease, and i of course would be latin superstar enrique iglesias with mad horse disease, which when you think about all the joints a horse has in all those legs, really makes sense with the hip implants. but that wasn't good enough for carl, who realized, in one of those AHA moments kind of like when einstein discovered gravity or when ben realized he wasn't actually in love with jerry anymore, that what we should really be doing is performing the works of steve miller as performed by celebrities with animal madness, each on different psychoactive drugs, which of course led to larry as jimi hendrix with mad cow disease on a big fat heaping pile of coke, and rhonda as barbara streisand with mad pig disease on a big fat heaping pile of crystal meth, and gypsy nick as steven hawking with mad gutter rat disease on a big fat heaping pile of ecstasy, and carl as pol pot on a big fat heaping pile of 5-meo-dmt, and i of course would be latin superstar enrique iglesias with mad horse disease on a big fat heaping pile of, you guessed it, HORSE, which is slang for heroin, based on the fact that it was horses who originally discovered the psychoactive properties of poppies, back when their species ruled the continent of africa with an iron hoof.

the only gig we got was at my sister linda's wedding, and afterwards, her husband had us all beaten up so badly that my hips needed replacing yet again. the love of steve will take you many strange places.