JANET to the audience: When I was sixteen, I was expected to dedicate my life in service to a cult of the pantheon. The choice was mine to make. The direction of my entire life was at stake.

CAROL enters carrying a wine bottle and sets it down on a small altar draped in black. ROGER is right behind with a large leather-bound tome.

CAROL: Is your mother going to have any trouble getting here?

ROGER: Oh, she texted me, she’s not coming. She thinks she has Covid.

CAROL: Oh no… how are we going to do this without her?

JANET to audience: Grandmother was a high priestess in service to the Black Goat of the Woods.

ROGER: I grew up with this ritual, I think I can manage it.

CAROL: What do you mean, you can “manage” it?

ROGER: The whole thing’s written down. I just read it out of the book.

CAROL: You’re not even supposed to touch that book, let alone read it.

ROGER: Carol, it’s a fifth generation copy. I used to color in the margins when I was a kid.

CAROL: It’s a wonder you’re still alive.

ROGER: Just lucky I guess.

Janet is joined onstage by ELLIS.

ELLIS: You sure you want to go through with this?

JANET: It’s the only way.

The two of them turn to face CAROL and ROGER.

JANET: Hi Mom, hi Dad.

CAROL: Oh you’re early! We’re not ready!

ROGER: And you must be…

ELLIS: Ellis. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

ROGER: Ellis. Well, we’ve heard absolutely nothing about you. Suppose that’s for the best.

CAROL: Did your grandmother text you?

JANET: She did.

CAROL: We can reschedule this entire ritual if you’d rather wait for her to get better.

JANET: No, actually I think this will go smoother without her.

Carol offers a goblet to Ellis.

ELLIS: Oh, no thank you. I don’t drink.

CAROL: It’s not alcohol, Ellis.

ELLIS: Well, I definitely don’t drink whatever’s in that goblet.

CAROL: Janet, if this is how the whole ritual is going to go--

ROGER: Let it go, Carol, this is supposed to be a celebration, we can play it a little loose.

JANET: Let’s just get started.

ROGER: Have a seat, everyone.

Carol, Janet, Ellis pull up chairs near the altar. Roger assumes a place behind the altar and places the tome down on it. He carefully opens it to a bookmarked page.

ROGER: Today we gather to hear and bear witness to Janet as she commits her soul to the darkness that lies undying beyond our mortal realm. Janet, have you chosen a favored cult?

JANET to audience: Dad was a hierophant in the Church of Starry Wisdom, and Mom was born and raised in the Esoteric Order of Dagon. But they both expected me to join the Cult of the Black Goat, like my grandmother.

CAROL: Janet, remember, we will support whatever choice you make.

JANET to audience: They didn’t care what choice I made. As they saw it, all roads led to the Great Old Ones in the end.

ELLIS: Go ahead, Janet. I’m right here.

JANET: Mom, Dad… I know this will be difficult for you. I want you to know I still love you. But I’ve chosen to denounce the pantheon of Azathoth.

CAROL: What!

ROGER: And why have you chosen to do that?

JANET: I need absolution, and I won’t find it among the fanatics of the pantheon.

ROGER: Absolution? You’re sixteen years old! What could you possibly need absolution for?

JANET: Are you shitting me?

CAROL: Well, cursing obviously.

JANET: It’s not what I’ve done, it’s what I haven’t done. I haven’t turned you in to the authorities for the hundreds of ritual sacrifices you’ve made me witness.

ELLIS: That’s what I’m here for, is that right? Someone was supposed to sacrifice me in the name of whichever weird cult she decided to join?

ROGER: Someone still might.

ELLIS: Do you two take turns murdering your victims or is one of you just really good at it?

CAROL: Ritual decapitation takes skill.

ELLIS: Uh huh. Well obviously that’s not happening today.

ROGER: And just what do you imagine is in your control today, Ellis?

ELLIS: I’m escorting your daughter safely out of here.

CAROL: Then why did you even come here, if all you meant to do was abandon our ways and spit on our beliefs?

JANET: Because despite everything… you’re still my parents, and I still love you. Another thing I need absolution for, I suppose.

ELLIS: Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her. She’ll find sanctuary among my people.

ROGER: Your “people”?

ELLIS: The Cult of Aphrodite Asteria, goddess of beauty and love.

ROGER: Oh, so now we’re just worshipping made up deities.

CAROL: Janet, you’re not even Greek. That’s just appropriation.

JANET: I don’t care if Aphrodite is real or imaginary, because I believe in beauty. I believe in fire, and sex, and desire. I believe in love.

ROGER: If you leave here, the worshippers of the Black Goat will hunt you for the rest of your life.

ELLIS: Turns out Aphrodite is also the goddess of war. So bring it on, motherfucker.

CAROL: Cursing!

ELLIS: Sorry.

ROGER: Your own grandmother will hunt you.

CAROL: Oh Roger, she’s eighty-four, she can barely hunt for the remote. Janet, we said we’d support you in whatever choice you made. I can’t say I’m thrilled, but… wherever you’re going, I hope you find happiness. And I hope joining this… cult of sex and desire… I hope it means you’ll make me a grandmother.

ELLIS: Turns out Aphrodite is also the goddess of fertility. Just, uh, in case you didn’t know that.

Janet hugs her parents awkwardly, then she and Ellis exit.

ROGER: Where did we go wrong with her, Carol?

CAROL: Sounds like it was killing all those people.

ROGER: Yeah, I suppose.