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The Short Play Brigade

Kick Your Ass

(To be performed with boundless enthusiasm.)

BOY: Hey, you wanna play a game?
GIRL: What game?
BOY: It's a game called "I'm gonna kick your ass"!
GIRL: How do you play?
BOY: Well ... you just stand there, and I kick your ass!
GIRL: Whoa!  That sounds like fun!
BOY: Yeah!  You wanna play?
GIRL: Sure, but only if you'll play one of my games first.
BOY: Oh yeah?  What game?
GIRL: It's a game called "You bend over and I'm gonna shove a broomstick up your ass"!
BOY: Whoa!  How do you play?
GIRL: It's simple!  You bend over, and then I shove a brooomstick up your ass!
BOY: Wow!  That totally sounds like fun!
GIRL: I know!
BOY: I'll play... but only if you play a certain game of mine first.
GIRL: What game?
BOY: It's called "I tie you up and pour a jar of leeches down your throat"!
GIRL: Holy moly, that totally sounds like fun!
BOY: It totally is!
GIRL: I'll play, but first you have to play this one game with me that I think you're really going to like.
BOY: What game?
GIRL: It's a game called "I run out and brutally murder everyone who has ever been close to you, then bring back their remains and force you to eat them -- raw, on toast"!
(Long pause.)
BOY: Wow.
GIRL: Yeah, I know.
BOY: Okay, I'll play.  But first, I'm gonna kick your ass, all right?
GIRL: It's a deal!  Let's play!

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