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The Short Play Brigade

The Stand-Up Comedian

(THE COMEDIAN enters, begins routine immediately.)
COMEDIAN: Thank you, thank you.  So what about that President Clinton, right?  I mean, come on, right?  And that Monica Lewinsky, I mean, whoa, right?  Right?  You know what I'm saying?  And hey, what about those airline peanuts?  Huh?  Huh?  Am I right?  Yeah, yeah.  What about men -- aren't men jerks?  I know!  And they're so different from women.  You know?  You know what I'm saying?  I mean, my husband -- he just doesn't understand me!  Right?  You know what I'm saying?  And what about cancer?  Doesn't that just suck?  You know?  You know?  And hey, I mean, ethnic cleansing -- isn't that something?  Well, isn't it?  Yeah, man, what about that United States Army?  Holy cow, talk about a bunch of people who could ruin your day!  Whoa!  And hey, what about those lousy serial rapists?  I mean, what is up with that?  And let's say the Christians are right, and we all end up in hell -- wouldn't that totally suck?  I mean, think about it!  Ouch!  Or worse, what if there's nothing and we live in a bleak existential world with no meaning and no hope?  I mean, yuck!  You know what I'm saying?  I can't stand any of you people, really, and I think I need to head backstage and slit my wrists open and just plain bleed to death!  You know what I'm saying?  You picking up what I'm laying down here?  Thanks, everyone, you've been a great audience!  And fuck you, okay?

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