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Captain Scotto and His Heroes To Be

"We know this responsibility you would have us take, white man. It is a thinking, purplish fluid which kills in seconds. We have put some in your coffee."
--from Indiana Jones and the Psychotherapy of Evil by Daniel A. Foss

In 1997, I was still traveling full time for a living, spending my weeks in hotels and my weekends trying to cram in a life at home in Seattle. My outlook was particularly grim, and you can tell that by reading the first five episodes of Captain Scotto and His Heroes to Be, all of which appeared on the original Library of Scotto web site, and were removed when Scottoweb 2.3 was rolled out. When I first starting writing it, I intended to keep publishing regular episodes, but I lost the energy for it, and since my web site has only ever had approximately three-quarters of a hit per year anyway, I didnít really think it mattered. I had only completed five episodes by that time.

However, when I was excavating material for my 2002 print compendium, Light Reading For The End Of The World, I stumbled across these episodes and realized I actually thought they were rather funny (in their own typically unskilled and brutish fashion). So at that point I completed the adventures of Captain Scotto and His Heroes to Be, and the entire novella is now presented here for the very first time on the net.

Pop culture mavens should of course keep in mind that a) this was completed well before the emergence of NBC's Heroes, so leave me alone about it, but moreover, b) this is a dark and dirty parody of the genre, featuring hard core psychedelic comedy to please a wide range of... uh... people who are very much like me in certain respects. Careful viewers will note the return of long time character foils Laurel and her cousin Crank Boy, who first made their appearances in a column I wrote all the way back in college. Something tells me our adventures together are not quite over, but for now, this is the best installment yet.

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